dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
im on a boat
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