Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
