I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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