So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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