just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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