Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
