I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
