if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
