I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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