i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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