I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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