woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
