I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
