I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
