I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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