Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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