sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
