There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
