i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
