apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize