VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
