...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
