I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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