Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride

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(417): I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride http://tfl.nu/qcn3

Replies (6) Good night (525) Bad night (2593)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

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(847): I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july. http://tfl.nu/a19z

Replies (20) Good night (5811) Bad night (531)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.

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(865): I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this. http://tfl.nu/mix4

Replies (15) Good night (5191) Bad night (801)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.

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(774): It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness. http://tfl.nu/e7ic

Replies (11) Good night (1644) Bad night (2681)
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(303): View more from Colorado

It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...

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(303): It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively... http://tfl.nu/4ljl

Replies (3) Good night (893) Bad night (2788)
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(815): View more from Illinois

i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

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(815): i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer http://tfl.nu/m7hl

Replies (12) Good night (6118) Bad night (1238)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed

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(256): Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed http://tfl.nu/t8qm

Replies (28) Good night (5233) Bad night (1302)
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(571): View more from Virginia

we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.

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(571): we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music. http://tfl.nu/kygq

Replies (8) Good night (2626) Bad night (890)
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(770): View more from Georgia

If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?

(910): View more from North Carolina

That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?

(770): View more from Georgia

Touche.

(910): View more from North Carolina

I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.

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(770): If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door? (910): That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating? (770): Touche. (910): I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR. http://tfl.nu/rwye

Replies (6) Good night (3882) Bad night (773)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.

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(937): Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/uerp

Replies (7) Good night (1314) Bad night (558)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.

(1-740): View more from Ohio

When in doubt always reply with bacon.

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(740): Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon. (1-740): When in doubt always reply with bacon. http://tfl.nu/8s4u

Replies (18) Good night (2770) Bad night (513)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count

(516): View more from New York

then nothing in my life counts

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(860): official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count (516): then nothing in my life counts http://tfl.nu/4fe8

Replies (8) Good night (1776) Bad night (431)
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(714): View more from California

BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL

(1-714): View more from California

Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!

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(714): BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL (1-714): Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky! http://tfl.nu/0qet

Replies (5) Good night (906) Bad night (544)
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(516): View more from New York

and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me

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(516): and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me http://tfl.nu/kvyu

Replies (0) Good night (348) Bad night (147)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.

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(717): Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about. http://tfl.nu/g2cn

Replies (5) Good night (300) Bad night (214)

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