peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.