on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.