does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something