Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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