I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.