I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
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I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.