A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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