Where did you get a picture of my penis
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
