I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
thus making me awesome and them whores
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
