I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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