Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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