I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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