just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
