school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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