OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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