what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
