There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
