i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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