good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
