do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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