Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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