So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
