Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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