I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
