I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
