She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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