It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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