everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
