She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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