i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
only you would photoshop your dick
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
