this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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