Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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