I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
