Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
