he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
