Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
