3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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