How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
