You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
