I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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