Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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