I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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