I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
COCAINE IS GR8
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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