So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
