Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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